Lately I am getting more and more exhausted. Feeling drained and empty.
There are so many things I have to consider that even weekends feels like ordinary working days. Job is draining me out, sending applications, preparing for skill tests and getting ready for UN tests - all those things are slowly killing me. On top of that, there are some crafts, which I should get done as soon as possible.
Honestly, first I was enjoying sending out applications and getting ready for skill tests. It let me to revise some materials and improve my knowledge about some things. I actually remembered why I love international relations! But currently it is starting to get too much. And what is worse - I feel like I should pick up even more things. Maybe some courses, read some professional magazines and books, try new kinds of crafts...
Even though I do feel drained, there is also something good to it all. I am getting more confident in myself, even if I get rejected. It is like when you first started to learn skating or riding a bicycle. First it is scary and you are afraid to fall. But as you get more and more scared, the chance to fall increases with it. And at the end you are so stiff that you fall, and fall, get up and fall one more time. With each time you learn that falling down doesn't really hurt that badly. And you learn what you shouldn't do and what you should. Just... after a while you get tired from trying and all you wish for is a break. There is always tomorrow, when you can pick it up from where you left it.
I still haven't decided what to do... what to drop and do I really have to drop something...
Showing posts with label Everyday life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Everyday life. Show all posts
Sunday, 7 April 2013
Monday, 11 April 2011
Rainy day with blank aftertaste
You have a long awaited interview planed for today. You have tried to get hold of this person for a month and at last, just few days ago you managed to get his private phone number, call him and arrange a meeting. It is at 12.30, but you have to be in the town at 10.00 am already as you need to borrow a recorder. Meaning you have to get up at 8.30 am.
But lately you have had quite stressful time, so for more than week you are having restless sleep with lot of small nightmares and nasty dreams. Also you don't want to be late for the meeting at 10.00am as you have made that person to wait before and you know that he will need the recorder on the same day. That is kinda making you uneasy... and that's the least you need... You wake up on 5.30am, then on 7.00am, 7.30am, 8.ooam, 8.15am and last 15min you spend staring in the ceiling.
Cause of all the restless sleep you have lost all appetite as well. You eat a sandwich for breakfast and then spend 20min slowly drinking coffee to wash away that nauseating feeling you get after eating lately. And suddenly you understand that you have only 10min left to get ready and leave! So you quickly get ready, rush out and the tram stop understand that it has left just bit ago, so you will have to wait for next one and might be late. Damn! Well... at least weather is nice. Cloudy, but rather warm and pleasant.
At the end meeting place gets changed by him and you even have to wait on him. So it is all good. You decide to meet at 2.00pm and if you finish earlier, then just bring the recorder to the concert hall.
As you watch him leave, you understand that you have 2.5hrs to waste till the interview. So you decide to walk around the old town, go to some shops. But you aren't allowed to buy anything big as you can't go to interview with big bags, right? You get some bit fancy dark chocolate for the person who got you the phone number of the person you needed to interview. He used to be your professor and your bothered him in his free time, so least you can do is to bring him a small thank-you gift (10.12am). You remember about the mall nearby and decide to go look there for some calming tea. You get some red african tea called "African passion". The shop keeper told it has calming effect.
10.33am - you are out of mall. 10.45 - you get bored from walking around the old town and decide to get the your pass to the house of Parliament. 11.00 - they haven't ordered one for you yet, but after a call you still get yours made. At 11.20 it starts to rain.... Till 12.15 you go from one shop to another, go twice back to the same mall, get on nerves of some shopkeepers with "I am just looking" and you wonder how come you aren't bored to death yet. 12.25 - you are back at house of Parliament and get told by assistant that you will have to wait till 12.40 for him. At 12.50 assistant gets an sms from him asking if there is a possibility to move interview to hour later (1.40pm).
You can't be sure that you will be able to give back the recorder on time, so you decide to take a risk and use your phone for recording. You go to french cafe nearby and test your phone's abilities to record while you have some cup of coffee and chocolate cake. Afterwards you go give back recorder and slowly go back to Parliament house while it is still raining. He comes on time but while he is talking you notice that he doesn't have too deep knowledge about the matter you are asking. While moving hands he kinda sneaks a peak at his clock. Means he wants this to get finished sooner. You try to ask him questions you need and to which he could answer. At some cases he asks his assistant for some details, you get given some notes. Soon you part your ways. Interview lasted only for 13min. The amount of information you need is really small. You sigh as you leave and wonder what was the point to try to get him to answer few questions... Was there a point to get stressed overs this matter, if it was kinda useless anyway?
Well at least it is done and with kinda blank and wasted aftertaste you go home....
Your results of this day: Calming tea which doesn't seem to have any effect, New headset with slightly too short cord, Interview which doesn't tell anything much....
But lately you have had quite stressful time, so for more than week you are having restless sleep with lot of small nightmares and nasty dreams. Also you don't want to be late for the meeting at 10.00am as you have made that person to wait before and you know that he will need the recorder on the same day. That is kinda making you uneasy... and that's the least you need... You wake up on 5.30am, then on 7.00am, 7.30am, 8.ooam, 8.15am and last 15min you spend staring in the ceiling.
Cause of all the restless sleep you have lost all appetite as well. You eat a sandwich for breakfast and then spend 20min slowly drinking coffee to wash away that nauseating feeling you get after eating lately. And suddenly you understand that you have only 10min left to get ready and leave! So you quickly get ready, rush out and the tram stop understand that it has left just bit ago, so you will have to wait for next one and might be late. Damn! Well... at least weather is nice. Cloudy, but rather warm and pleasant.
At the end meeting place gets changed by him and you even have to wait on him. So it is all good. You decide to meet at 2.00pm and if you finish earlier, then just bring the recorder to the concert hall.
As you watch him leave, you understand that you have 2.5hrs to waste till the interview. So you decide to walk around the old town, go to some shops. But you aren't allowed to buy anything big as you can't go to interview with big bags, right? You get some bit fancy dark chocolate for the person who got you the phone number of the person you needed to interview. He used to be your professor and your bothered him in his free time, so least you can do is to bring him a small thank-you gift (10.12am). You remember about the mall nearby and decide to go look there for some calming tea. You get some red african tea called "African passion". The shop keeper told it has calming effect.
10.33am - you are out of mall. 10.45 - you get bored from walking around the old town and decide to get the your pass to the house of Parliament. 11.00 - they haven't ordered one for you yet, but after a call you still get yours made. At 11.20 it starts to rain.... Till 12.15 you go from one shop to another, go twice back to the same mall, get on nerves of some shopkeepers with "I am just looking" and you wonder how come you aren't bored to death yet. 12.25 - you are back at house of Parliament and get told by assistant that you will have to wait till 12.40 for him. At 12.50 assistant gets an sms from him asking if there is a possibility to move interview to hour later (1.40pm).
You can't be sure that you will be able to give back the recorder on time, so you decide to take a risk and use your phone for recording. You go to french cafe nearby and test your phone's abilities to record while you have some cup of coffee and chocolate cake. Afterwards you go give back recorder and slowly go back to Parliament house while it is still raining. He comes on time but while he is talking you notice that he doesn't have too deep knowledge about the matter you are asking. While moving hands he kinda sneaks a peak at his clock. Means he wants this to get finished sooner. You try to ask him questions you need and to which he could answer. At some cases he asks his assistant for some details, you get given some notes. Soon you part your ways. Interview lasted only for 13min. The amount of information you need is really small. You sigh as you leave and wonder what was the point to try to get him to answer few questions... Was there a point to get stressed overs this matter, if it was kinda useless anyway?
Well at least it is done and with kinda blank and wasted aftertaste you go home....
Your results of this day: Calming tea which doesn't seem to have any effect, New headset with slightly too short cord, Interview which doesn't tell anything much....
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Yesterday at the end of So long, but so good I mentioned something about reality kicking in... I knew it... That if I have some really great day, then next one is really bad one. I keep getting bad and disturbing news today...
Monday, 31 January 2011
So long, but so good!
This day was so long.... Cooking in the morning, then visiting doctor and then spending few hours at university's library, not counting hour trip to uni and hour back...
But at the same time this day was so great! Weather was almost perfect - sun was shining, blue skies with only few clouds somewhere, snow all around. Everything today went flawlessly as well! And people seemed so kind and happy too. Or maybe they seemed like that just cause I beamed them with my great mood and wonderful smile so they just couldn't resist me, smiled at me and treated me so kindly.
On the way back I was thinking that this day is so great! so nice!.... that reality should kick in. And it did, when I got home - my right shoulder got kinda stiff and slightly aching. Guess long day affected that shot damaged shoulder...
But I am still happy about today :) Now just put on some nice music and do something relaxing!
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